OVERINDULGENCE:  When we hear that word- that first thing that comes to our mind is “what about me!”.   It sure would be nice to be “overindulged” now and then.  At this point, we would even settle for a being just plain “indulged”!

Well, how does this word relate to the “overindulgence” of children?  Does it happen?   Does society promote it?   Does it matter?  The interesting thing about this topic is that it will come close to offending about everyone who will read this.   There is a part in most parents that want their kids to enjoy, have things, and feel loved- and that is great!  However, “overindulgence” can often appear under the cloak of goodness.   The following information is meant to be as an “awareness” piece and will just briefly look at overindulgence in children.

There are two definitions of Indulgence:

• The first definition requires access to finances.  “Parents with wealth give to their children and do not mentor their children.  Their indulgences are severe and their lack of mentoring is severe.”
• The second definition requires no finances.  “Parents who have no wealth give their children too much permission too soon to do things in life that children are not prepared to handle.  This puts children in the “power seat” of the family, but they have no skills to manage life.  In addition, their parents do not mentor them.”         

 Two major effect on Indulged Children:

1)  Anger:   Indulgence creates dependencies.  Dependencies create anger and resentment.  Children who are indulged are often extremely dependent because their parents are not gradually teaching them to be self-reliant.  Parents are expecting love for the indulgence they offer.  Instead, they often have an angry and resistant child.

2)  Entitlement:    If children are not learning self-reliance and only have dependency, they refine the skill of demanding and requesting more.  They create the expectation that others should provide for them.  They have a usual blend of dependency and narcissism (the world revolves around me).  They are dependent, but arrogantly expect others to provide for them.

The Change:  10 qualities need to occur to combat the tide of overindulgence.

• Increase time spent with children and to mentor more thoroughly.
• Promote truth and reality, which is the cure for thinking errors in children
• Promote unique talents and skills
• Unconditional love
• Normal emotions are healthy emotions
• Understanding the difference between “wants” VS. “needs”.
• The past, the present, and the potential future
• Realistic understanding of strengths and limits
• Respect for all
• Values

References and more information can be found from: Overindulged Children by Dr. Fogarty. 

Any questions or comment?  Craig Stickling- Counselor  477-4731  or craig.stickling@pekin.net